Amplify Your Relationships with Fitness

A few years ago I brought home P90X for my wife and I to do together. I had no idea it would be so great for our relationship. I was just thinking we would both be able to get into a little better shape!

We were both the heavy kids growing up. Her self-esteem was shot because of it, mine had turned into an overcompensating attitude with something to prove.  This helped me for a while but wasn’t true confidence; it was more akin to a policy of “fake it till you make it.” 

When we got married I think she was as fit as she’d ever been. I had slipped a little from my most active days in the Navy but was still in pretty good shape. Over the first 90 days of P90X we worked out together, we sweated together, and we both started reaching a level of fitness neither of us had known before. 

Several times a day and nearly every night when our heads hit the pillow we discussed how sore and tired we were and how tomorrow we would do better; how we would BE better. In the gym we pushed each other to lift more, jump higher, and take shorter breaks to get back in the game.

We got into backpacking and were able to climb all the same mountains together. That’s not just a metaphor! If any of you blogger lovers are seeking a little more intimacy in your relationship, growing together through a program like P90X will take you out of your comfort zones together and that will translate into every other area of our life.

Later my Dad asked me to help him start changing his health. 

Dad is a long haul truck driver. His diet is limited to what he can carry in a small mini-fridge. His exercise at the time was basically limited to what he could do inside the cab of his truck. His weight had gotten to be such an issue that he didn’t feel comfortable working out outside his truck.

For dad we tried starting with Power 90 but quickly realized that P90X was going to be a much better fit. His limited ability to get aerobic training inside the truck required longer sessions of weight lifting. Cardio would be done in the form of walks that would grow into jogs until he got his weight down enough to feel comfortable doing extreme workouts outside the truck.

Dad had no prior knowledge of fitness or nutrition. We had to talk on the phone five days a week not only to educate him to better habits but also to keep each other accountable. The more the weight fell off, the more our relationship grew. The more our relationship grew, the faster the weight fell off.

I didn’t grow up with Dad around in my life enough. He was what was always on the road trying to make it as a driver, a drummer, or something else. I would see him from time to time for a weekend visit or to spend a summer with him. As I look back I feel like our relationship didn’t really get started until I was about 15 years old. 

At 17 I joined the Navy. I called to check in every few months and even came to his house once or twice on leave. That pattern continued for several years. Phone calls every few months turned monthly, then more frequently. Then we started to build on our relationship with fitness. We now talk at least five times a week and I expect that will continue for the foreseeable future.

We don’t just talk about fitness, though! We talk about family, my kids, his kids. We talk about business of him on the road, me being in college. We talk about politics and the economy, religion and sex. Through a decision and commitment to fitness and a mentoring relationship based on that, we have grown closer as father and son; we have grown closer as friends.

I asked Mardi to be one of my mentors in leadership as he was finishing Chief Petty Officer indoctrination in the US Navy Reserve. I saw him as a successful leader not only in the Navy but also in his civilian profession. My life was just opening up to new leadership and management opportunities and I wanted an experienced sounding board with whom to discuss options and offer insight.

As both of Mardi’s career’s became increasingly demanding, his health began to take a back seat to a myriad of other responsibilities. Enter P90X again… the harbinger. Mardi didn’t actually take to P90X! When he asked me about INSANTIY I worried for his heart.

Mardi’s health had slipped to the point to where the Navy was starting the process to have him removed from service for failing to meet physical standards. We started talking on the phone several times a week. We talked about fitness, diet, family, Navy, the list goes on. We talked as much as 20 times per week.

Before starting INSANTIY, he had started to work on his diet and lost around 25lbs. After phase 1 on INSANITY we decided to repeat phase 1 one more time before moving on to Phase 2.

I got to testify at Chief’s hearing via telephone from the comfort of my home office while Mardi sat before a board of Navy judges and lawyers. He had lost 54lbs since the Navy had started the process (At date of publish, Mardi has lost 64lbs). The prosecution had only outdated data on their side of the argument. Mardi had proven results from proven methods. 

I got to tell the Navy that their culture of fitness has no culture in it; there is no social accountability, no intrinsic motivation, only a small carrot to incentivize members or a giant stick with which to punish them if they fall out of standards. I told them all how our telephone accountability worked and how I knew Mardi’s habits had changed to the point where he would never be in this situation again. The prosecution seemed to think this was some sort of a fad diet that got his results.

Mardi and I still talk at least five times per week. I am still his mentor in fitness and now in same things business. He is still my mentor in leadership and a closer friend than ever.

In each of these relationships we already had something bonding us together. Fitness was just another thing for us to talk about and work on together. Through our decision and commitment to do something about it every single today and to share that journey together, we became even closer. Don’t think for a second that I wasn’t inspired to continue my own fitness journey while helping the other important people in my life! There were also many others in my life who let me help them and every one of those relationships is now stronger.

Fitness is no magic bullet that’s going to make everything better in your life. But it will help your mind and body work together better in a synergistic relationship greater than the sum of its parts. As each of us began to feel better mentally, physically, emotionally, and we were able to share that with each other, we became stronger as individuals and on the teams we were a part of.

Go find someone you can help or find someone who can help you reach your goals even if just with a few phone calls a week to ask about your health and what you are doing to be better. Amplify your relationship with fitness and amplify your relationships in the process.

Links:
Fat is Now Illegal in Japan
Monkey See, Monkey Do! Why I believe in DVD Fitness
How do I Get My Husband to Exercise?
The Fountain of Youth
I'm a Coach!